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Wrestlemania 31… Predictions, Breakdown, and Opinion March 26, 2015

Filed under: WWE — cowboyography @ 10:13 am
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

So here we are, heading down the Road to Wrestlemania, only hours have past since the go home show sent us home. Now some of you may be very excited for this years Mania and that’s great! On the other hand many of you believe this will be a lackluster year with all eyes on the big stage that will be Dallas and Jerryland next year for Wrestlemania 32. I fall somewhere in the middle, and the following is the breakdown of the matches of Mania and how I think things will play out. A side note, I do not read any dirt sheets and I am in the dark to all this, I live in Australia and the WWE buzz is zero here.

    rusev-cena Rocky vs Drago? Not Quite, well no not even close.

Rusev Vs Cena

I like Rusev, and when I say I like him I really mean I cannot stand him, so I think he is a great heel, and the WWE desperately needs top heels in the near future. This match has had minimal build up yet it is one of the most established matches of Mania, that says something about the product these days. So the story goes, Rusev is the undefeated giant from Russia, Cena is the “underdog” American fighting for his country, a tried and true formula that the WWE has gone to many times before. Both men have gotten over on each other over the past couple of months and both have shown they have what it takes to take out the other guy.

What I hope Happens- Personally I hope that Rusev wins, and wins big, let this man destroy Cena and hold the US Title for a long time, he should hold his Mania win over everyone’s head for the next year and keep the streak alive….

What I think will happen- Cena goes super-Cena on Rusev and wins via pinfall after a couple of AA’s and Rusev is buried to mid card status for the next year.

Bad-News-Barrett-wwe-37039614-500-500I am afraid I have some bad news… I can’t win a god damn match!

7 man ladder – Ziggler, Ambrose, R-Truth, Bad New Barrett, Daniel Bryan, Luke Harper, StarDust

This match sucks in my honest opinion, big matches like this look good on paper and in video games, however in reality this will be a spot-fest with two guys constantly in motion and 5 guys “injured” at ringside. There will be some great moments, and some daring high spots, for sure and to the casual fan this may be an entertaining match, but to fans of wrestling and storytelling this will be a mess of a match. The intercontinental title is a joke these days, just look at the champs record over the past month, what is he the Honky Tonk Man? At least honky lost due to count outs and cheating, Barrett has just straight up lost.

What I hope happens- I hope that Dolph wins, he is the shot in the arm that this title needs and the crowd would blow the roof off the place if he comes out on top, which could put them in a better mood for the title match, which could turn the crowd heel!

What I think will happen- My prediction is that Barrett retains here, the company likes him and wants him in a power spot, they like to screw Bryan and Ziggler and I could see a Sheamus run in to secure the title for Barrett.

WM30_Photo_140I hate battle royals, just look at that clusterfuck!

30 Man Battle Royal

If only this match meant anything at all… While the Royal Rumble winner gets the over the top prize of head lining Mania (which I can’t stand, see my Rumble article) the winner of this match is given a destructible trophy. Last year the big winner was Cesaro, what did he get out of it? Well he received a half-assed push with Paul Heyman that fell flat and sent him lower than mid-card hell. So the bottom line is that the WWE has all but told us, this match does not matter and the winner is insignificant.

What I hope happens- I don’t care

What I think will happen- I can see a couple of outcomes, first a showdown between Miz and Mizdow that ends with a full Mizdow turn as he eliminates his boss, I can also see Ryback winning to try and give him that push he needs to get back to the top tier of talent.

brockI eat babies and I thank god I have a spokesman

Reigns vs Lesnar

Yeah this match is next, because quite honestly I am more excited about a few other matches further down the list, so with that said lets cover “The Main Event”. Although we have all seen this Title Match coming far before the Royal Rumble was in the books this bout has no steam. To create steam you need two combustible elements going at each other, and aside from a couple of interviews we have seen Brock and Roman is the same ring once! What the hell!? WWF used to build up feuds for months, years even, Macho and Hogan at Wrestlemania 5 was set up at Wrestlemania 4! The prize for the Royal Rumble is to great, but that’s a whole other article… Another issue is that I don’t really care for anyone in this feud except Paul Heyman, I hope Paul Wins on Wrestlemania night, because he is the one who really deserves the belt. One good thing is that the WWE has signed Lesnar to a multi-year deal, so in theory this match can go either way.

What I hope happens- I hope we get the Reigns heel turn, as Heyman elects to hinder Lesnar and Help Roman get the win. The other great options is a Money in the Bank cash in, and let Rollins walk out of Santa Clara with gold in hand.

What I think will happen- Vince will force feed us Roman Reigns as he awkwardly stumbles through a sloppy match only to emerge the victor after a spear…. POOP

stingSting doing super hardcore gay phone sex and he is going into the HOF

HHH Vs Sting

I am rooting for this match to be classic, I believe it can be good in ring with some top notch high spots and false finishes. Here is the problem, 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago – Take anyone of those in front of the following question, who would be the dream match-up for Sting if WCW/TNA would cross promote with the WWE/WWF? My answer would never have been Triple H. I do like both men and think they can get some good pops, I just hope the highlight is not their entrances. I am glad Sting finally spoke and had that good interaction with Stephanie on Raw, and I am also glad they addressed the issue of Sting is not here for WCW, but here for The Game.

What I hope happens- I wish there was some stipulation involved, stings career vs HHH’s power as COO, something like that, but since there is not, I hope Sting wins and we get a long slow burn for Mania 32 and we get Sting vs Taker.

What I think will happen- I think Sting will win

orton rollinsI wanna see some blood!

Orton Vs Rollins

My number one contender for match of the night, I love Rollins, as a heel and as a in ring preformer. Orton is a great presence and can really get the crowd to pop, while I’m not the biggest Orton fan I think he is good at what he does. I think we will get the usual J&J bits and I expect some really big spots from Rollins, this being the biggest match of his career. This rivalry has been built as brutal so I would love to see some color in this match.

What I hope Happens- I hope Orton does the favors and Rollins goes over, even if it’s a little J&J greasy. Rollins is a star on the rise, keep the jet pack on him let him win here and win the title before Summerslam.

What I think will happen- I am not real sure… this could go any number of ways, the WWE knows they have something great in Rollins so I think Randy take the fall after a hell of a battle.

bray-wyattWhat is in the urn? Has Bray stuck his wiener in the urn? Hmmmm?

Undertaker vs Bray Wyatt

Best for last? I hope so, I have been a WWE/WWF fan for so many years and the Taker has been around for many of them, I watched his debut at Survivor series live and he was the big bad guy during my childhood that I have grown to love. Bray is special, both in ring and on the mic, and the WWE has created an interesting dilemma by pitting these two demons against each other. On one hand we have the Taker with one loss last year, and completely MIA for an entire trip around the sun, on the other hand Bray Wyatt, possibly the future monster of the WWE. I honestly do not know why they didn’t use the Sting vs Taker card here but possibly next year in Texas, nothing like watching two old farts beating each other up in the Dallas heat.

What I hope happens- I hope Bray goes over in the match of the year. and buries the Taker for good. I don’t really care to see Sting fight anyone anymore so let the Taker ride off into the sunset, broken.

What I think will happen- Taker can’t lose again…. can he? I think taker wins, maybe some sort of hologram interference or some shit… I think Bray will not get his big push for another year or so.

Well there you have it folks, I will be writing a Wrestlemania follow up next week so check back!

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Why the Royal Rumble has lost its luster January 18, 2015

rumble

I am a huge wrestling fan. I am a fan of nearly everything 80’s and with that comes Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, Andre The Giant and all the other fantastic wrestlers of that era. One of the best WWF pay-per-views of the late 80’s and early 90’s was a Pat Patterson creation known as the Royal Rumble. The rumble was an event where we would see belts change hands, hero’s rise from the rubble, and new rivalries were born. The mystique of the rumble was that anyone can win this thing and it could catapult someone to the top, if you don’t believe me look at the first two rumbles.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan won the first ever rumble back in 88, this was a 20 man match that followed the classic formula where every two minutes another participant entered the ring and wrestlers were eliminated when they were thrown over the top rope. Hacksaw was a mid-card guy at best, more often than not he was really just a jobber to the heel stars, often losing to the likes of Ted Debiase, The Giant and even Haku. So to have Duggan win the rumble really set the stage that anyone can win this thing and that made the event really something to look forward to.

The following year the event was expanded to 30 men and the event made its pay-per-view debut. The event this year featured even bigger names such as Hulk Hogan, Andre The Giant, Ted Dibiase and Macho Man Randy Savage, but the man who emerged victorious was another guy nobody expected to win. When all was said and done Big John Studd threw Ted Dibiase over the top rope and had his hand raised in victory. Not to take anything away from John Studd but he was not that big at the time and had been out of wrestling completely for many years. Yet the WWF felt confident in giving the win to someone who was not on the top-tier of the company pantheon.

The reason the Rumble worked so well was perfectly exemplified in these first two years of the event, anyone can win this match, that is the draw, that is what puts an ass in every 18 inches. This is what also leads me to my point, the WWE Royal Rumble is nearly upon us yet again, and yet again 30 participants will rumble and only one man will stand victorious. The difference is that everyone in the world knows that one of only two, maybe three wrestlers will win the match. The problem is not the participants but rather the prize. Having the winner of the Royal Rumble headline Wrestlemania pigeonholes the Rumble into a very predictable match.

Last year it was almost inevitable that Dave Batista was going to win the rumble, we all figured that was the direction the match was heading in, so much so that I didn’t even watch the match. Why would I want to watch an hour long wrestling match where the outcome is all but guaranteed. It makes no sense to have such a huge match featuring 30 of the top names in the sport when everyone knows the winner this year will be either Daniel Bryan or Roman Reigns. If I had to give a prediction they will be the last two men remaining as that is the only way the WWE can create any drama in this match at all.

The bottom line is that the Royal Rumble is not broken and is easily salvageable. My suggestion is that they reward the winner of the Royal Rumble match with a title shot of their choice at the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view. This way they could let anyone win the Rumble without interference in the main event of Mania and this could also set up new feuds as the winner could challenge for the Intercontinental, or the  US Title. If this were the case you could easily see guys like Harper, Ziggler, or Ambrose having a chance to win the rumble and get the career boost they need.

Also check out my new podcast, AMERICA VS AUSTRALIA for a complete breakdown of which country got what right and what they got wrong.

Look for more wrestling articles soon and thanks for reading!

 

The 80’s, Bad idea for a wrestling promotion… Music Videos! December 7, 2013

So in the late 80’s Vince McMahon wanted to expand his empire, naturally he looked into pop culture, trying to capitalize on the youth of the day he decided that what the youngsters wanted was music, So he came up with this video, and he debuted it on Saturday Nights Main Event and explained that this video could be seen exclusivly on MTV! Needless to say this idea flopped but Vince was undeterred as it wasnt long after this the WWF released its Piledriver video sung by Koko B Ware. Proof that Vince didn’t have a true Midas touch, a few things he touched literally became turds in his hands! and since I do top 5 lists here are the top five things in this video that make me laugh…

#5- Paul Orndorf constant kissing of his own biceps

#4- The Hammer cannot sing

#3- Vince really wishes he was one of the boys

#2- George Steele looking more lost than that dude in Slingblade

#1- Shieky Baby

 

Top 5 crappy NES games I found myself playing the most as a kid April 17, 2013

Filed under: Video Games — cowboyography @ 8:25 am
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Here are my top 5 games I couldn’t get enough of as a kid, my cousins and friends and I spent a lot of time on the NES, and the games on this list are the 5 that though aren’t that great, are still some of my fondest gaming memories. Now don’t get me wrong, I played the crap out of the classics- Metroid, Mike Tysons Punch Out, Contra, and the like, but bad games are like fat chicks, they need some luvin too!

#5 Rescue the Embassy Mission

This game was super sweet, it had 5 different levels and each one was really cool and really innovative. The first one that comes to mind was the sniper level, going from window to window picking off bad guys that would then plummet to their deaths, Too Cool! Then there was the repelling level, the object being to insert yourself into the bad guys headquarters, then there was the level in which you had to use awesome rolling techniques to avoid spotlights. I remember I never knew what the hell the story was but as a kid I would make up my own spy storylines and play this game endlessly! Great stuff!

embassy

#4 Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

“Soon Khali Ma will rule the world!” We didn’t know what the hell it meant, but I still to this day use the phrase, it was repeated every time you lost all of Indiana’s lives. OK so the game was crap, a kinda of sidescrolling, yet not, game full of dudes in turbans. The rail carts would constantly run into each other spilling Indy to his death and one misstep, which happened more often than not would send Indy to a lava drenched hell of which only his iconic hat would survive. However the whip swinging and the licence alone kept us coming back for more torture, game after game! The point I suppose was to rescue the kids and collect objects like maps and swords but I don’t believe I ever got too far, even though countless hours were spent playing the game!

indy

#3 WWF Wrestlemania

This game had it all for a young wrestling fanatic, Hogan, Macho Man, even Honky Tonk Man, it had theme music, and you could collect your logo from the top of the screen and “Hulk out”. Yeah it looked ugly and the most powerful move was the headbutt and the ever so impossible to pull off body slam, but who could resist! This game also had an awesome option to set up a huge 8 man tourney, My friends and I would gather around and pick our wrestler (whoever got Million Dollar Man was screwed) then battle each other in the grand Wrestlemania 4 fashion! Watch out for Bam Bams cartwheels, and of course you could choose to be the legendary Andre the Giant! I was a huge WWF fan and that’s one of the main reasons this game found itself so often in my console, even above the far superior Pro Wrestling, proving that licensing goes a long ways!

WWF-Wrestlemania-2

#2 Friday the 13th

Another tough ass game that had a great license, Jason hunting was just to fun! The game would make us jump, curse, and replay day in and day out. I have so many fond memories of guiding the multiple playable character around crystal lake, lighting fireplaces in cabins and battling Jason’s mom’s disembodied head with machetes and torches to earn her sweater. Rowing across the lake to save poor helpless campers and doing everything I could to make it into day two. The game took many liberties such as where the hell did the Zombies come from? That aside the game was constantly plugged in to my NES due to my love of horror films, I just wished they had made a game based on the Shining!

jason

#1 Jaws

This game was intense! You had to navigate your little boat back and forth between two docks, the first time you reached the other dock you received the Jaws tracker, then each consecutive time you would gain power in your harpoon gun for the under water fights against jelly fish, small sharks and of course Jaws! But before you dive down do as much damage as you can by hucking cannon balls over the side of the ship. You could get crabs to help speed your swimming ability, the only kind of crabs you really want I suppose. Then when jaws was finally drained of all his life bar you went into the final sequence, this epic showdown involved watching his fin approach and when he got just close enough you had to strobe light the water which would pop him out at which point you had to spear him with the front of the ship! I still recall the first time I was succesful, awesome pixellated blood shot forth and sent the demon fish spiraling to the depths and I flew off into the sunset in my plane, wait that never happened in the film, oh well! My cousins and I played this game endlessly on my many vacations to Florida!

jawsdie

 

Hogans sex tape! “I feel like a pig” April 15, 2013

Filed under: WWE — cowboyography @ 1:31 pm
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For those of you who have not seen this yet, please watch… not to graphic but absolutely hilarious. Hulk Hogan nails Bubba the Love Sponges wife while Bubba waits in the other room, according to courtroom testimony (Hogan is suing over this) Bubba was shopping for Auto parts online! LOL The clip is full of gems including Hogan hoping to nail his sons girlfriends sister and that ringtone on his phone is Brooke, his daughter, a real family guy! But the best part is how not once but twice Hogan comments that he just ate and feels like a pig! TOO FUNNY!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xu3yc7_hulk-hogan-and-heather-clem-real_people

 

Did Jericho piss in Vince’s Cheerios? April 8, 2013

Filed under: WWE — cowboyography @ 3:46 am
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Whats up with Jericho? I am not the biggest fan but he is one of the biggest names Vince has, yet he has been regulated to chump matches, there was a time when he was a main eventer, now he jobs to the likes of a Ballet Dancer? It seems he has been placed in a similar spot to where HHH was post curtain call…. Anyone have any ideas?

 

Eggs, Bacon and Wrestlemania downunder! April 7, 2013

Filed under: WWE — cowboyography @ 11:06 pm
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Thats Right it is 8:30 AM here in the Northern Territory, Australia! Cooking eggs and bacon, some toast and a nice cup of coffee to go with the show… Hope its a good one, I haven’t watch a Wrestlemania live since Houston where Rock and Austin put on a hell of a show… Want to see three matches really-

Taker V Punk

HHH V Lesnar

and the Rock

Go Cena, hope the Rock gets knocked the F Out!