RandomTopFives

Random top 5 lists for your enjoyment! Everyone likes lists!

Why the Royal Rumble has lost its luster January 18, 2015

rumble

I am a huge wrestling fan. I am a fan of nearly everything 80’s and with that comes Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, Andre The Giant and all the other fantastic wrestlers of that era. One of the best WWF pay-per-views of the late 80’s and early 90’s was a Pat Patterson creation known as the Royal Rumble. The rumble was an event where we would see belts change hands, hero’s rise from the rubble, and new rivalries were born. The mystique of the rumble was that anyone can win this thing and it could catapult someone to the top, if you don’t believe me look at the first two rumbles.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan won the first ever rumble back in 88, this was a 20 man match that followed the classic formula where every two minutes another participant entered the ring and wrestlers were eliminated when they were thrown over the top rope. Hacksaw was a mid-card guy at best, more often than not he was really just a jobber to the heel stars, often losing to the likes of Ted Debiase, The Giant and even Haku. So to have Duggan win the rumble really set the stage that anyone can win this thing and that made the event really something to look forward to.

The following year the event was expanded to 30 men and the event made its pay-per-view debut. The event this year featured even bigger names such as Hulk Hogan, Andre The Giant, Ted Dibiase and Macho Man Randy Savage, but the man who emerged victorious was another guy nobody expected to win. When all was said and done Big John Studd threw Ted Dibiase over the top rope and had his hand raised in victory. Not to take anything away from John Studd but he was not that big at the time and had been out of wrestling completely for many years. Yet the WWF felt confident in giving the win to someone who was not on the top-tier of the company pantheon.

The reason the Rumble worked so well was perfectly exemplified in these first two years of the event, anyone can win this match, that is the draw, that is what puts an ass in every 18 inches. This is what also leads me to my point, the WWE Royal Rumble is nearly upon us yet again, and yet again 30 participants will rumble and only one man will stand victorious. The difference is that everyone in the world knows that one of only two, maybe three wrestlers will win the match. The problem is not the participants but rather the prize. Having the winner of the Royal Rumble headline Wrestlemania pigeonholes the Rumble into a very predictable match.

Last year it was almost inevitable that Dave Batista was going to win the rumble, we all figured that was the direction the match was heading in, so much so that I didn’t even watch the match. Why would I want to watch an hour long wrestling match where the outcome is all but guaranteed. It makes no sense to have such a huge match featuring 30 of the top names in the sport when everyone knows the winner this year will be either Daniel Bryan or Roman Reigns. If I had to give a prediction they will be the last two men remaining as that is the only way the WWE can create any drama in this match at all.

The bottom line is that the Royal Rumble is not broken and is easily salvageable. My suggestion is that they reward the winner of the Royal Rumble match with a title shot of their choice at the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view. This way they could let anyone win the Rumble without interference in the main event of Mania and this could also set up new feuds as the winner could challenge for the Intercontinental, or the  US Title. If this were the case you could easily see guys like Harper, Ziggler, or Ambrose having a chance to win the rumble and get the career boost they need.

Also check out my new podcast, AMERICA VS AUSTRALIA for a complete breakdown of which country got what right and what they got wrong.

Look for more wrestling articles soon and thanks for reading!

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The 80’s, Bad idea for a wrestling promotion… Music Videos! December 7, 2013

So in the late 80’s Vince McMahon wanted to expand his empire, naturally he looked into pop culture, trying to capitalize on the youth of the day he decided that what the youngsters wanted was music, So he came up with this video, and he debuted it on Saturday Nights Main Event and explained that this video could be seen exclusivly on MTV! Needless to say this idea flopped but Vince was undeterred as it wasnt long after this the WWF released its Piledriver video sung by Koko B Ware. Proof that Vince didn’t have a true Midas touch, a few things he touched literally became turds in his hands! and since I do top 5 lists here are the top five things in this video that make me laugh…

#5- Paul Orndorf constant kissing of his own biceps

#4- The Hammer cannot sing

#3- Vince really wishes he was one of the boys

#2- George Steele looking more lost than that dude in Slingblade

#1- Shieky Baby

 

Top 5 events that changed Wrestling forever! April 26, 2013

Today’s top 5 list will be about those special moments in Wrestling history that forever sculpted the WWF/WWE. These are the moments us wrestling fans live for! Some of these are specific moments in time and some are time periods but you will all have to admit, these are why we watch, and if you notice we haven’t had a groundbreaking moment like any of these in recent memory, and that’s why the WWE product is so poor, Vince needs to remember what made the product so good to begin with! So here we go:

#5- The Sweet Chin Music Heard Round the World

We all love HBK, and one thing that made him so awesome was he had an awesome finishing move, Sweet Chin Music was just cool. It was devastating, it was show stopping, it could come from no where and that’s exactly where it came from during an episode of the Barber Shop on December 2nd 1991. Brutus Beefcake was trying to get the Rockers to come together as one, and it looked like it was working, Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty gave each other a hug and just when it appeared the Rockers were going to go back into the Tag Team ranks HBK was born when he gave Jannetty one hell of a Sweet Chin Music, and then proceeded to toss Jannetty through the glass window of the Barber Shop! The reason this moment was so important was that The Rockers were a perineal crowd favorite and this tugged at the heart strings, it also gave rise to one of the biggest stars the WWF/WWE would ever have in Shawn Michaels, as this freed him up to work with Sherry Martel and enter into his notorious singles career. This clip also has one of the best commentary moments of all time after Jannetty gets face planted through the glass window Bobby Heenan says “Jannetty tried to dive through the window to escape, what an act of cowardism!” That’s brilliant!
Rockers divide on The Barber Shop

#4- Birth of the Attitude Era/Monday Night Wars

November 9th 1997 at the Survivor Series the WWE/WWF coined the term attitude era, but it had been coming for almost a year. The Monday Night wars were in full swing and the WCW was winning. The WWF hired a man named Vince Russo and though many wrestling fans hate Russo, he saved the WWF. With creative writing and a new take on what wrestling should look like Russo and McMahon brought forth some of the most notable characters in history, including Mankind/Foley, The Rock and of Course Stone Cold Steve Austin. This new era focused on an older crowd, ushered  in buckets of blood, and saw matches the likes of which have never seen before nor since. This era really kicked off with the rebirth of the Iron Man Match in 1996 when Bret Hart lost to Shawn Michaels in a match that lasted over one hour, we then saw a new type of Dead Man in the Undertaker. This era brought back the celebrity influence, when Mike Tyson began to appear in the ring. We also saw an influx of real fighter from the then brutal UFC such as Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackmon. Then of course we saw the amazing tandem of superstars in Rock/Austin/Mankind which gave us amazing, brutal, and unforgettable matches, that we will never have again in this PG era we are in. To bad too, because the epic Mankind Vs Taker Hell in a Cell was a spectacle that just cannot be recreated under todays family friendly landscape.

#3- Hogan Goes Heel

The idea was let’s do something that has never been done before, and the WCW did it, when Hulk Hogan the ultimate good guy turned his back on Macho Man on July 7th 1996, to embraced the Outsiders. First off, I just want to say this speaks volumes about The Macho Man as he is probably the only guys that could have given Hogan the bad guy push, if Hogan had turned on anybody else it probably would have turned them heel, but the Leg Drop hit Randy Savage and the crowd saw the writing on the wall. Hogan then gave his Billionaire Ted Speech and pledged his allegiance to the Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, with that, a new era of wrestling was ushered in. The Monday Night Wars was as much responsible for this turn as anything, because Eric Bishof new he had to do something to gain ratings, and the birth of Hollywood was the answer! Wrestling was forever changed, non wrestling fans begin to tune in to see what all the fuss was about, rating soared and a New World Order took over the Wrestling World. Unfortunately the WCW had the inmates running the asylum and things crumbled within a few years, however that day in 1996 without a doubt rocked wrestling to its core!

#2- McMahon Takes Over the World

It all started when Vince Jr purchased the then WWWF from his father in 1979, he renamed it the WWF and then in 1980 founded Titan Sports, He began recruiting talent from all the regional leagues and then acuired his centerpiece Hulk Hogan from the AWA. Wrestling at this point was a small time business, most wrestlers held other jobs and gathered in small halls for small shows, Vince had other ideas, he wanted to take the sport global, using television he took wrestling out of the Sportatorium and into Madison Square Garden. The visionary that is McMahon Jr. soon had accumulated all the talent from the regional groups and was set to deliver the final blow. He sold his time slot on television to Jim Crocket Promotions for one million dollars and with that money he set up the first Wrestlemania, a huge gamble that paid off. All of a sudden the once laughable WWF had become the place to be, the limelight, the real show.

#1- Hogan Beats the Shiek

Vince had the dream, he had the idea, but he needed a catalyst, and that was going to be Hulk Hogan. Freshly acquired from the AWA, Hogan saved crowd favorite Bob Backlund showing he was a babyface, and within three weeks he faced the Iron Shiek on January 23rd in Madison Square Garden. Hogan had appeared in the 1982 film Rocky 3. and had some level of stardom, but what was to follow nobody could have foresaw, except for McMahon. The match is not the greatest by any means, in fact it is pretty poor, but the spark was ignited and Hogan needed the Shiek to put him over as the fan favorite, his personality lifted his character and Hogan became a household name, everything Vince had wanted was coming to fruition. I do love the Shiek, he is classic and at a time that saw the Iranians as an axis of evil, it was the All American that brought him to his knees!

 

Top 5 crappy NES games I found myself playing the most as a kid April 17, 2013

Filed under: Video Games — cowboyography @ 8:25 am
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Here are my top 5 games I couldn’t get enough of as a kid, my cousins and friends and I spent a lot of time on the NES, and the games on this list are the 5 that though aren’t that great, are still some of my fondest gaming memories. Now don’t get me wrong, I played the crap out of the classics- Metroid, Mike Tysons Punch Out, Contra, and the like, but bad games are like fat chicks, they need some luvin too!

#5 Rescue the Embassy Mission

This game was super sweet, it had 5 different levels and each one was really cool and really innovative. The first one that comes to mind was the sniper level, going from window to window picking off bad guys that would then plummet to their deaths, Too Cool! Then there was the repelling level, the object being to insert yourself into the bad guys headquarters, then there was the level in which you had to use awesome rolling techniques to avoid spotlights. I remember I never knew what the hell the story was but as a kid I would make up my own spy storylines and play this game endlessly! Great stuff!

embassy

#4 Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

“Soon Khali Ma will rule the world!” We didn’t know what the hell it meant, but I still to this day use the phrase, it was repeated every time you lost all of Indiana’s lives. OK so the game was crap, a kinda of sidescrolling, yet not, game full of dudes in turbans. The rail carts would constantly run into each other spilling Indy to his death and one misstep, which happened more often than not would send Indy to a lava drenched hell of which only his iconic hat would survive. However the whip swinging and the licence alone kept us coming back for more torture, game after game! The point I suppose was to rescue the kids and collect objects like maps and swords but I don’t believe I ever got too far, even though countless hours were spent playing the game!

indy

#3 WWF Wrestlemania

This game had it all for a young wrestling fanatic, Hogan, Macho Man, even Honky Tonk Man, it had theme music, and you could collect your logo from the top of the screen and “Hulk out”. Yeah it looked ugly and the most powerful move was the headbutt and the ever so impossible to pull off body slam, but who could resist! This game also had an awesome option to set up a huge 8 man tourney, My friends and I would gather around and pick our wrestler (whoever got Million Dollar Man was screwed) then battle each other in the grand Wrestlemania 4 fashion! Watch out for Bam Bams cartwheels, and of course you could choose to be the legendary Andre the Giant! I was a huge WWF fan and that’s one of the main reasons this game found itself so often in my console, even above the far superior Pro Wrestling, proving that licensing goes a long ways!

WWF-Wrestlemania-2

#2 Friday the 13th

Another tough ass game that had a great license, Jason hunting was just to fun! The game would make us jump, curse, and replay day in and day out. I have so many fond memories of guiding the multiple playable character around crystal lake, lighting fireplaces in cabins and battling Jason’s mom’s disembodied head with machetes and torches to earn her sweater. Rowing across the lake to save poor helpless campers and doing everything I could to make it into day two. The game took many liberties such as where the hell did the Zombies come from? That aside the game was constantly plugged in to my NES due to my love of horror films, I just wished they had made a game based on the Shining!

jason

#1 Jaws

This game was intense! You had to navigate your little boat back and forth between two docks, the first time you reached the other dock you received the Jaws tracker, then each consecutive time you would gain power in your harpoon gun for the under water fights against jelly fish, small sharks and of course Jaws! But before you dive down do as much damage as you can by hucking cannon balls over the side of the ship. You could get crabs to help speed your swimming ability, the only kind of crabs you really want I suppose. Then when jaws was finally drained of all his life bar you went into the final sequence, this epic showdown involved watching his fin approach and when he got just close enough you had to strobe light the water which would pop him out at which point you had to spear him with the front of the ship! I still recall the first time I was succesful, awesome pixellated blood shot forth and sent the demon fish spiraling to the depths and I flew off into the sunset in my plane, wait that never happened in the film, oh well! My cousins and I played this game endlessly on my many vacations to Florida!

jawsdie

 

Hogans sex tape! “I feel like a pig” April 15, 2013

Filed under: WWE — cowboyography @ 1:31 pm
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For those of you who have not seen this yet, please watch… not to graphic but absolutely hilarious. Hulk Hogan nails Bubba the Love Sponges wife while Bubba waits in the other room, according to courtroom testimony (Hogan is suing over this) Bubba was shopping for Auto parts online! LOL The clip is full of gems including Hogan hoping to nail his sons girlfriends sister and that ringtone on his phone is Brooke, his daughter, a real family guy! But the best part is how not once but twice Hogan comments that he just ate and feels like a pig! TOO FUNNY!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xu3yc7_hulk-hogan-and-heather-clem-real_people

 

Eggs, Bacon and Wrestlemania downunder! April 7, 2013

Filed under: WWE — cowboyography @ 11:06 pm
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Thats Right it is 8:30 AM here in the Northern Territory, Australia! Cooking eggs and bacon, some toast and a nice cup of coffee to go with the show… Hope its a good one, I haven’t watch a Wrestlemania live since Houston where Rock and Austin put on a hell of a show… Want to see three matches really-

Taker V Punk

HHH V Lesnar

and the Rock

Go Cena, hope the Rock gets knocked the F Out!

 

Top 50 WWE and WWF superstars of all time March 29, 2013

If you are into lists check out our podcast! We go through the WWE’s top 50 of all time and chime in with our top 15. Great times leading you up to wrestlemania!